Lonliness was not a foreign concept to me as a kid, other than the characters I befriended in many, many pages. I was always an avid reader and I enjoyed fantastical worlds that never failed to pull me from reality. However, once I turned the last page I would hit a wall, I felt empty. I think all readers have felt this at some point; the sinking feeling that comes with finishing a really good book. Honestly, it doesn't even have to be all that good, it just has to capture you in a way that makes life seem dull in comparison.
That emptiness is what led me into the world of fanfiction. I couldn't get enough, my hunger for more, now finally being satiated. Being able to explore parts of the story that I didn't think possible! Hermione and Draco Malfoy are in love? No way! Harry and Luna Lovegood, oh hell yeah, finally! The liberties that young readers took in becoming writers, the way they warped these worlds to create their own stories. I was completely obsessed.
It wasn't long until I started experimenting with what I liked to think of as world bending. My love for these characters became too much to just read about them. I wanted to write about them, manipulate them, and make them more real to me than ever. I began to write fanfiction and was surprised at how many people liked my work. It gave me a new sense of confidence, confidence in my talent.
I found new friends, people that had the same passion for reading that I did. It was so refreshing to be myself at last, in a community that accepted me.
When I graduated high school and was pressured into nursing by my family, I was excited but a little put off. I knew that reading and writing were my passion, so why was I letting other people dictate my future? I did though, I took Anatomy and Physiology, Chemistry, and Psychology. I was on my way to becoming a nurse, just like my family wanted.
On May 16, 2019, I received an email from one of my fanfiction platforms, that someone added one of my stories to their library. I was so confused, I hadn’t posted anything in years. I open the link and start browsing through my old work, my old library, full of my own favorite fanfictions.
A nostalgia built up in my stomach that almost brought me to tears. I didn't even realize that I was standing in front of my bookshelf, brushing my fingers over all the titles that made my childhood and adolescence so rich and colorful. I spent the entire night rereading some of my favorite chapters, books strewn all over my bed. I had forgotten how much I missed this, and the nostalgia began mixing with guilt and I was disappointed in myself.
It didn't take much reflection to realize that I wasn't on the right path. So I got my family together and told them that I was going to change my major. No longer a nurse, but an English Major. They were horrified but understood. My passion for literature was undeniable, and I know that now.
I get to read more than I can handle, I have experienced so many new genres and authors. Literature theories changing the way I perceive not only words but the world. I feel sharper and giddy to go to class, this is what I’m supposed to be doing.
So a special thanks to Zedma1564, for having faith in something old and neglected, it was the courage and push I now know I needed.